It was off to a hospital a little over and hour's drive from our home this morning. Princess was referred there because of an ear infection that just will not go away. We have been 'through' our local primary care doctors and thank goodness we went! What was causing all of this? There was something in her ear. Almost the size of a dime! Long story-but better now.
The drive we made was through all of the changing colors of autumn. The trees are just wonderful! The day was clear and sunny and if you had to drive to a hospital...it might as be on a spectacular day like today.
We made a stop on our way to have breakfast with Junior at college. We have been doing this a few times a year since he started college. He is a Senior now so the 'bonding' breakfasts will be coming to an end soon. Junior will soon leave for grad school that is much further away from home, and our breakfasts will end. I will miss him so much.
While in the waiting room at the hospital, I couldn't help but listen to a conversation between two mothers. Seriously, I couldn't help it...they were loud talkers. They spoke of finding the right high schools for their children. One enrolled her daughter as a day student at a somewhat local elite prestigious girls high school because she wanted her to have in her words the 'best start' in getting into the right college. The other mother spoke of the lack of opportunities at her local Catholic high school. She had sent her oldest daughter there and she felt like as failure as a mother because it did not provide the 'best.'
The conversation progressed, (yes, the procedure department was running behind,) through providing academic, sports and cultural opportunities, and travel.
I sat there and wondered if I was a failure. I was also feeling more than a little jealous, and a bit sad..
We home schooled our children-our son went to our local Catholic high school for grades 10-11 and 12. He did not have a wonderful experience, but he made the choice to attend there. There was a divide between those students who received financial aid, (our son,) and those who did not need it. Social economic differences were so obvious and hurtful sometimes.
Our daughter was home schooled until she chose to attend the local vocational-technical school in 10th grade. She was happy there. She graduated from the Food Service Program, but later decided that she did not want to work in the restaurant industry. Oh well, live and learn.
I was not a pusher. But was I lazy?
We want our children to be happy, giving people that will spend eternity in heaven.
They love learning but they are not 'over'achievers.
Should we have pushed them more?
Could we have given them more?
I think that I did the best I could. My husband worked so that I could stay home to teach.
When the kids started school, I went back to work-but we still did not have lots of money.
I am going to stop now, I think that this is turning into a pity party rant, but I really don't want it to be. I just wonder sometimes if I have left something out-or forgotten something.
This parenting thing is hard and I KNOW that it is not just all giving things to your children.
We gave our children love and we think that they are becoming 'ok' people.
Is it OK not to be stellar or fantastic...
Sorry, rambling again.
Sometimes I just wonder...
"Everything you do, all your work, can contribute towards your salvation. It depends on you, on the way you do it. History is replete with monks who became great saints while working in the kitchen or washing sheets. The way of salvation consists in working without passion, in prayer…. May God give you the strength to keep your spirit, your mind, and your heart in the spirit of Christ. Then everything that happens to you can very quickly be radically transformed. What was tiresome and discouraging will disappear, transfigured by your desire to be there where Christ your God is." Elder Sophrony